My Neighbor Is a Legit Creep—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek,

My neighbor has harassed me for years. He put up flood lights that shine in my bathroom window and the doors of my upstairs bedroom, all while blasting music in my yard. He has accused me of a crime I never could or would commit. He's hid in my yard and waited for me to come home for work, saying: "I have a black belt in karate and I could kill you." He also says that I'm a racist and crazy.

I have tried to get restraining orders to no avail. When I tried to protect myself from him, I was falsely arrested because he and his wife lied. Another neighbor told the truth and the case was dropped. I work in mental health and he calls me crazy?

This all started because I turned him down at a block party for a threesome. He has been watching me come and go and harassing anyone working in my yard. He lets his dog out to bark at all hours and also when we go into our yard.

I now respond in kind, with my own music, flood lights and a bullhorn telling the truth about who I really am, which is none of his lies. I had maybe a two- or three-sentence conversation with him at that block party. He has never been in my home nor have I in his. I moved in first next to his mom. He inherited the home and has never worked.

One of the creepiest things is that he seems to know when I enter my bathroom. In the summer months, it's hot so it's frequently open and he calls my name when I'm using the facilities, including when I'm bathing, showering, brushing my hair or whatever I'm doing at the sink. He is a legit creep and I tried everything to stop him but they never do anything. He doesn't have one of his hands but it's not from being in the military. He is 'handicapable,' not handicapped. I've seen him swing a rake and almost hit his wife in the face with it, as well as other things.

Twill, location unknown

Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.

Kate Ecke is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in trauma. She is the founder of The Unconventional Therapists, a boutique therapy practice in New Jersey.

All behavior stems from an unmet need. From a toddler having a meltdown because they want a snack to a creepy neighbor harassing the person across the fence.

The next time you encounter your neighbor, calmly ask him: "what do you need?" Asking someone what they need when they are in the middle of ranting and raving puts a pause on their behavior. It de-escalates the situation while also providing valuable information for you on what they are truly seeking.

If the "need" is to get your attention, make you move or create chaos, you are then better equipped to respond to that need. Responding to the need requires clear communication and boundary setting. If the goal is to drive you crazy enough to throw a "for sale" sign up, then you can let the neighbor know that is not a possibility and will not be happening.

Once you show that you understand what they are seeking and that you will not be meeting the need, the neighbor can now focus their reign of terror on the person three houses down instead.

Dr. Carole Lieberman is a psychiatrist and author based in Beverly Hills, California.

Your neighbor has centered his life around you, and the more upset his actions make you, the happier he is. So, you have to stop this merry-go-round.

Surely there are things you can do to your house to make it more private, like adding a taller fence, trees and bushes, getting soundproof windows, adding drapes or similar window dressings, and so on.

Besides making your house more protected and private, you need to stop interacting with him because it just eggs him on. The angrier you get, the more he will be encouraged to continue. He lives to see you boil over. You need to tell people coming to your house or working in your yard to ignore him too.

Now this doesn't mean you should stop making complaints, such as writing to your Congressman and sending videos of his harassment. Just do it quietly behind the scenes.

Also, the neighbors must be fed up with his loud music and other antics. You can speak with them—either one by one or meeting altogether. There is strength in numbers. You can all take videos and ask authorities for something to be done.

If worse comes to worst, you might have to consider moving, although none of this is your fault.

Do you have a dilemma? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.